If Staying in LDS Church doesn’t spark joy, even if the church is true, it is ok to leave.

When I read the article called “If Staying in LDS Church doesn’t spark joy, its ok to leave” in the Salt Lake Tribune, it reminded me of my own situation. It reminded me of what I have been going through to reach the point where I find my self today. The article was written by Kate Kelly, the founder of Ordain Women. Even thought she was excommunicated for her involvement with Ordain Women, she still recommended people to stay in the church to make things better. At the time, I was making the decision to leave the church. At the time, I already had tried to stay in the church to make things better and discovered this was not an option, at least not for me. I realized I was the minority and things were not going to change just because I stayed in church.

Now, after being excommunicated for a while, Kelly has changed her stance. Kelly has learned that staying in church is not the only honorable option. I am happy that she finally realized this. Because it is exhausting to stay and keep pushing for a change that never comes. I was tired, tired and sick of it. I told myself I had to stay in the church because I believe the church is true. I told myself if I didn’t stay in the church I was not going to be saved. I was worried and I was afraid to leave the church. I had terrible anxiety attacks. I cried and cried for months, alone. I felt unworthy for wanting to leave. At the same time I felt I could not stay knowing first hand that people in my ward were mistreated and racially profiled by my ward leadership. I felt that by staying, I was tolerating and contributing to members being abused by church leaders.

What was I going to do? Stay in a church where church leaders/bullies got away with bullying and abuse, just because the church is true? Stand up for what I believe and leave the church and lose my eternal salvation? Attend church along with the bullies and try to change the church from inside? Was change a real possibility? Endure anxiety and depression and attend church with bullies? I asked myself many questions like this.

Finally, with the help of God and common sense, I found answers to my questions. I realized that even if the church is true, I don’t have to put up with church leaders who are bullies. I realized that just because the church is true, I don’t have to stay in church and endure the anxiety. I realized that my physical and emotional health should be my priority and not church attendance. I realized that church leaders/bullies lose all the authority the moment they abuse their authority, and therefore; I am not under any obligation to support them or follow them anymore. I realized that people like this have no power or authority over me or my personal salvation. I realized even though there are good people in church, this is not a good reason to stay. (I can find good people in any other church as well) I realized that going to church was not a happy experience for me anymore. I wanted to stay in church because of my beliefs, not because I was afraid to lose my salvation.

I gave myself permission to follow my heart. I gave myself permission to stop attending church without feeling guilty. I decided I was not going to be ashamed about my decision. I decided I was not going to be a victim anymore and that I was going to take charge of my life. I decided I was not going to let any church leader to have control over my thoughts and actions. I decided I was going to speak up my mind with no fear of excommunication. It was a long process but in the end it was worth it, because now I am free. Now, I am happier. This is how I discovered the grass is always greener on the other side.

If you want to read The Salt Lake Tribune article by Kate Kelly, click here: http://www.sltrib.com/opinion/2738628-155/kate-kelly-if-staying-in-lds

 

Kristy Money and Church Discipline

Today I heard the 3 hour podcast in which John Dehlin interviews Kristy Money in his site “Mormon Stories Podcast.” If you want to listen to this podcast, click on this link: http://mormonstories.org/kristy-money/

I learned this young woman is remarkable, intelligent, educated and has a great heart. Why would a person like her face church discipline? It just breaks my heart. It is depressing to hear about the recent excommunications within the LDS church. Unfortunately, this “excommunication trend’ is becoming more and more, common protocol.

According to Kristy, the main reason she is facing discipline is because she is part of the women’s movement Ordain Women. My opinion is that it is a very stupid reason to excommunicate people because they want to hold the priesthood. Women in this church are taught we are supposed to become “a priestess unto our husbands.” This is not new doctrine. Those that have attended the temple know that women participate in the blessings of the Priesthood. We bless, anoint and seal blessings. We bless and serve each other within the temple walls. Why are church leaders over reacting? No one is changing the doctrine. Women had the priesthood before in the times of Joseph Smith and they were able to use this priesthood not only in the temple but also in public places. If the Prophet Joseph Smith was ok with women having the priesthood, then why would leaders today be so upset about it? It just doesn’t make any sense.

 The only thing I can think of is that church leaders are afraid women are going to outsmart them if they get the priesthood. But even if women were wrong to request the priesthood, it is not a good reason to excommunicate them or to face church discipline. A good reason to face church discipline should be rape, fraud, bullying, domestic violence, etc. There are thousands other reasons that would justify to face church discipline, wanting the priesthood is not one of them.

She also dared to say LDS leaders can make mistakes. Here we go again! Why LDS leaders are so sensitive to comments like this? Everyone makes mistakes. It is part of life. Saying that leaders make mistakes is not an attack on the leadership. It’s just reality. When are LDS leaders going to man up and take it like it is? It’s not the end of the world. Silencing Kristy Money is not going to change the reality that leaders are men and that they make mistakes.  Maybe this problem is more about being a real man and not being afraid to say that you messed up, than about member’s behavior. If we women have the courage to admit when we make mistakes, so should the leaders be able to accept these things without excommunicating or retaliating against those that put the information on their face.

Anyway, I am sick of this nonsense by LDS leaders. I have lost confidence and trust in them. I don’t think they have the inspiration, common sense, or leadership skills to lead the church. I don’t expect them to ever apologize or to admit they have made mistakes in the past, and that they still make mistakes now in the present. I can see Elder Oaks turning into a pile of salt before he apologizes about anything. Kristy may not understand it yet, but in the end, it is better to be alone than to belong to a church that doesn’t reflect your beliefs anymore.

 

Picture of kristy Money and her family posted by Mormon Stories Podcast.